Writings

She Says, Body

01 September 2007 - Asian Woman  www.asianwomanmag.com

My Mum, being an Asian woman who has a very hairy face, bleaches her facial hair - not with Domestos, but with ʻJolen cream bleachʼ.

I have told her to stop doing this because when she gets in a lift, under the lights, she looks like Father Christmas. This situation is magnified when she goes abroad to very hot countries - her beard turns ginger. Still, at least sheʼs making the effort. My dad really appreciates it and he too has started bleaching his moustache so they look like a couple of ʻHis and Hersʼ.

I had a letter recently from a 74-year-old man. This is quite common since I am quite popular with one-legged geriatric men, and I myself am on the lookout for a 96-year-old wheelchair- bound billionaire... it worked for Anna Nicole Smith. This gentleman wrote to me, telling me it angered him that women are so ʻunnatural these days, removing ALL their body hair (which they never did on the beaches in France, Italy and Spain in the period before WW2), and how they have so much plastic surgery itʼs difficult to tell whatʼs real and what isnʼt.

I have to admit I do agree. On Saturday night I went out with a friend and we sat in the corner all night playing a game called, ʻGuess the real onesʼ. I had never seen so many plastic breasts in one room; it was a conveyer belt of fried eggs on top of volcanoes. Had a bomb gone off in there, and people had died, the women would have been identified by the serial number of their silicone breasts. When I was growing up, I am all for personal grooming if it gives a woman confidence and she is doing it, first and foremost, for herself. Men are shallow, aesthetic, creatures of the animal kingdom. It is human nature for there to be an instant physical attraction between a man and a woman who fancy each other. In order to ʻfancyʼ each other the woman must posses something that will ʻturn the man onʼ. From my experience this will never be a handlebar moustache on an 80-year- old Bengali grandmother.

However, women seem to cultivate themselves depending on what they think a man wants. Many women think men want a hair free woman with long legs and big breasts. This is a misjudgment. Doing things that you think men want is a mistake. You should groom yourself as you wish. If you want a hairy chest, then have a hairy chest. You have to live with it and if youʼre happy with it, then great. If you want a Brazilian, then go ahead but if you start having breast implants because your boyfriend wants you to, you are heading down an unhappy road.

This then doesnʼt become a question of grooming, it becomes a power struggle between men and women. You do not have to be a lesbian or a feminist to make your own grooming choices. There are men who fancy allsorts so never conform to something you donʼt like. Follow your own grooming pattern, some man will inevitably love it because you will be confident in it and there is nothing sexier than a confident woman.

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