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If I had a teddy bear I would call it Barbara Moses Vishnu Weinstein so everyone would be happy...
Read more of article 06 December 2007
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"Thank you, it's just what I wanted. I'll watch them with my mum." The audience clapped in that polite Swedish way...
Read more of article 22 November 2007
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"You're not a proper comedian are you?" said the AA man. "Not like Bernard Manning"...
Read more of article 08 November 2007
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Dying in public is bad - but at least it's better than being shot for being a Brazilian...
Read more of article 25 October 2007
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My birthday was pants. Next time I want a donkey and a cake with arson-sized candles...
Read more of article 11 October 2007
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The news storming across America is Britney. She is bigger than that Iranian - literally...
Read more of article 27 September 2007
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A stretch limo came to pick me up. How over the top, I thought. Where's my Nissan Cherry with the dents in the back?...
Read more of article 13 September 2007
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For my US tour I've been asked to remove any material relating to the electric chair or Tom Cruise...
Read more of article 30 August 2007
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Everyone in Edinburgh lives up four flights of stairs. It's really funny watching the smokers...
Read more of article 16 August 2007
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The door of my hotel room has bars. Prison decor is all the rage here...
Read more of article 02 August 2007
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Stand by for the Gay Muslim suicide bombers - they're the ones with Christian Louboutin briefcases...
Read more of article 19 July 2007
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In this war zone everything was brown, even the white people...
Read more of article 05 July 2007
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I asked the tall woman what her name was. "Bianca Jagger," she replied icily. I laughed and said, "Of course you are"...
Read more of article 21 June 2007
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A crowd of Nobel Peace Prize winners and my lust for John Major...
Read more of article 07 June 2007
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Red carpet queens, Tarantino, and Tony's plot to become pope...
Read more of article 28 May 2007
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Revealed: Tony Blair was the sixth Spice Girl...
Read more of article 14 May 2007
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Parrots, pugilists, and why anonymity is the new celebrity...
Read more of article 30 April 2007
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Lists, loyalty cards, and why all deranged fans should check their spelling properly...
Read more of article 16 April 2007
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The great Stringfellow gave me a million-dollar smile and a handshake. But where had those hands been?...
Read more of article 02 April 2007
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My wedding will be at Dudley Zoo - or maybe in Lapland, where I'll be given away by a reindeer...
Read more of article 19 March 2007
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Some guilt, some soul searching and why people laugh more in Leicester than in Basingstoke...
Read more of article 05 March 2007
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Birmingham terrorists are the worst kind because they are terrorists with a Brummie accent...
Read more of article 19 February 2007
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Shilpa deserved to win because she was the best cook and the best cleaner...
Read more of article 05 February 2007
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The girls are intelligent and attend a good school. I ask them for their role model. Jade Goody, they reply...
Read more of article 22 January 2007
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How much fun can wearing a mad hatter's hat, pink fairy wings and getting obliterated on WKD be?...
Read more of article 08 January 2007
