Shazia’s week

Never in this lifetime did I imagine our paths would cross. Rather than our eyes meeting across a greasy pole, they met across a crowded chamber, the debating chamber of the Cambridge Union. The motion: “This House believes that gentlemen prefer blondes.” I was proposing, and my opposition was: Peter Stringfellow. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

Weddings have been on my mind. Maybe spring is in the air . . . I plan to have my wedding day at Dudley Zoo. I shall arrive on an elephant with a couple of camels in tow, and I would like all my guests to arrive on donkeys. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

I am currently touring the UK with my show Fun, and this week I brought my fun to the Leicester Comedy Festival, Basingstoke, and then Windsor. I have been enjoying the glamour of Moto service stations and Travelodges immensely. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

My name is Shazia Mirza. This week, I started my first national tour, performing my first date in Dartmouth, where I was introduced as Shaver Minzad. I walked out to an audience who looked at me as if to say: “How unfortunate.” Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

This week I was in San Francisco. I’m always popular in California, because they think I’m Mexican. People come up to me after my shows and speak to me in Spanish. I talk back to them in Urdu; it’s a lot of fun. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

Britain loves people who, when asked, “Who was Winston Churchill?” reply, “He was the first black president of America.” It loves people who say, “East Angular – that’s abroad, innit?” Useless is good. Useless is the new success. Useless gets ratings up. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Watching gay football

My best friend is rich, handsome, intelligent, successful, funny – and has a huge house. So obviously he is gay. This week I went to watch him play gay football. This is not like straight football, where they score goals and bite ears off if they don’t win. Continue reading “Watching gay football”

Shazia’s week

This week I flew to India. The British Council does not have much money, and flew me in economy on Air India – the equivalent of the luggage hold on easyJet. The only consolation is that the Air India stewards can string a sentence together and do not have orange faces. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”

Shazia’s week

I was walking down a street in New York recently when a man shouted out: “Oi Paki, go back to India.” That man will be pleased to know that I am going to India for the first time – not to open a call centre or adopt a child, but to do some shows courtesy of the British Council, which has asked me to perform in Pune, Ithaka, Bombay and Mumbai. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”