Even my white friends wouldn’t risk having me perform at their wedding. Continue reading “Shazia’s week, The altar of humour”
Shazia’s week, Cancel Edinburgh!
Three weeks in a hot caravan telling Mandela stories to strangers is a holiday of sorts. Continue reading “Shazia’s week, Cancel Edinburgh!”
Shazia’s week
There was more hat swapping than wife swapping at this year’s Glasonbury. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Before Google, I actually had hobbies, and before I owned a computer I actually had a life. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
The card said he was a former West Indies cricketer. Did he think I looked like the type who’d want lessons? Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
“I designed the winners’ brochure,” he shouted drunkenly. “Look, you’re in it. You won!” Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
My audience in Liverpool bawled about Boris. Give me Bollywood bowling instead – any day. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Being a footballer’s girlfriend or wife takes practice, believe me. I just looked like a lemon. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
While filming in Las Vegas I see Tom Jones. I once served him a milkshake, you know. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
I thought I’d lived a bit. But there’s always something round the corner in the US that still shocks me. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
I thought we were on a train, not a space shuttle whisking us away from apocalyptic doom. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
The other day while on the Underground, I was approached by a young man who couldn’t have been more than 20 years old. He looked typically “street” – trousers round the ankles, boxer shorts to the nipples, teeth pierced, you get the drift. I was alarmed when he started speaking to me. Was I about to be mugged on the train? Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Britain must be on the verge of sharia law: last night I was introduced on stage as Sharia Mirza. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
“Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” said the cleaner, spotting the tray shorts. “We all wear those in Cyprus” Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
With my parents, dishonesty is the best policy. It saves an awful lot of ludicrous explanation. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
As I hurry to a New Year’s gig for 200 gay men, I think of mum in Mecca. It’s what she’d have wanted for me. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
If I had a teddy bear I would call it Barbara Moses Vishnu Weinstein so everyone would be happy. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
“Thank you, it’s just what I wanted. I’ll watch them with my mum.” The audience clapped in that polite Swedish way. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
“You’re not a proper comedian are you?” said the AA man. “Not like Bernard Manning”. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Dying in public is bad – but at least it’s better than being shot for being a Brazilian. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
My birthday was pants. Next time I want a donkey and a cake with arson-sized candles. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
The news storming across America is Britney. She is bigger than that Iranian – literally. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
A stretch limo came to pick me up. How over the top, I thought. Where’s my Nissan Cherry with the dents in the back? Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
For my US tour I’ve been asked to remove any material relating to the electric chair or Tom Cruise. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Everyone in Edinburgh lives up four flights of stairs. It’s really funny watching the smokers. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
The door of my hotel room has bars. Prison decor is all the rage here. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
Stand by for the Gay Muslim suicide bombers – they’re the ones with Christian Louboutin briefcases. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
Shazia’s week
In this war zone everything was brown, even the white people. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”
The only person who should be allowed to use their surname in conversation is James Bond
I asked the tall woman what her name was. “Bianca Jagger,” she replied icily. I laughed and said, “Of course you are” Continue reading “The only person who should be allowed to use their surname in conversation is James Bond”
Shazia’s week
A crowd of Nobel Peace Prize winners and my lust for John Major. Continue reading “Shazia’s week”