Writing

The funniest standup I’ve ever seen

Robin Williams, Mill Valley, San Francisco 2013, a year before his death. He is the funniest standup I have ever seen and ever will see. There will never be anyone like him; unique, intelligent, unpredictable, himself. Continue reading “The funniest thing: ‘My local rabbi is funnier than most standups’”

I used to tell jokes about my lady mustache.

I thought it was important to let everyone know about my struggle to rip follicles from the root of my face, armpit and chest every three weeks at a cost of 50 pounds a go. It was a frivolous routine, but that’s how I liked my comedy then — apolitical and areligious. Continue reading “Yes, I tell jokes about Islamic State”

Hate and lies are all the rage. Everyone’s at it. “Obama is the founder of ISIS!” and everyone believes the Trump. “We’re at breaking point” – look, here’s a poster of lots of brown men that look just like your dad, cousin and brother. If you vote out, all these scavengers that come over here for the good life, they’ll be gone in the morning. Continue reading “Once we blamed Yoko Ono. Now we blame refugees”

I’ve been asked to perform my new show in Paris. I love the city. I have been there many times and had so much fun. But I am nervous this time. Comedy is all about timing. Is this the right time to do a comedy show about Isis in the city where they have just orchestrated such shocking terror attacks? Continue reading “Isis aren’t radicalising girls. They’re selling them fantasy”

When I was eight, I knew everything. I mean I’d read all the Enid Blyton books, been on a school trip to Southport, and had a pen pal in France. I had seen it all. I also thought my mum was really boring. All she did was buy me books, get me private tutors, make me do verbal reasoning tests, and tell me that I was going to be a doctor. And that being a doctor was the only profession in the world; anyone who wasn’t a doctor had never even heard of the word “profession”. How dull. Continue reading “A Polaroid camera transformed my relationship with my mother”

A caliphate is not an ideal place to grow up if you want a career as a stand-up comic. I was brought up in Birmingham, which a Fox News pundit last week described as a “totally Muslim city . . . where non-Muslims just simply don’t go”. Continue reading “Ridicule what is sacred and you will learn”

“I have never brought a woman over to India to perform, you are the first,” said my promoter Ajit Saldanha. Then he gave me a look that said: “Make sure you’re funny. Otherwise I’ll never bring over another one.” Continue reading “No offence On a stand-up tour of India…”

I have done stand up comedy all over the world.  Occasionally in strange places- a tent, a kebab shop, a public toilet. Other times in precarious places – a cave in Kosovo, the Middle East amid huge censorship and Pakistan amid speculation the Taliban were arriving. The day after I performed in Pakistan a suicide bomber blew up the venue in which I had played, and it wasn’t because he’d seen my act. Continue reading “Standing up in Cambodia”

I suffer from a serious condition — shoe amnesia. Recently I bought a new dress and while in the shop decided that I had no shoes to match, so I bought a new black pair. Continue reading “It’s a Funny Old World”

When it comes to grooming, I always thought that giving nails a quick once- over with an emery board was good enough for anyone. Apparently not. Continue reading “It’s A Funny old World”

I spent a month at The Edinburgh Festival and I am still recovering. So are my audience. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza’s View from The Stand”